Mother's Day as a single mom

Well it's here- Mother's Day!

My first year doing it all on my own. I've officially been a single mother for 105 days- wow. They've flown by. I've come so far and have so much further to go. 

This has been the best Mother's Day of my motherhood so far. Nothing special really- in fact I did laundry and cleaning the kitchen... And binge watched criminal minds 🙊 just a little. 

I did a small stint as a single mom when my children's father was deployed, but that had an end in sight. And I was receiving love letters, gifts, and words of affirmation along the way. However, I'm realizing now how much that practice has benefitted me. I've got twice the work load, but also the confidence that I CAN DO THIS. 

So here's a few key things that helped make this Mother's Day one of joy and not regret or sadness: 

ACCEPTANCE:

I've accepted the situation that I'm in. I'm a single mother. My children's father frequently skips his visitations and doesn't contribute to their needs financially. But about once a month he whisks them away and showers then with extravagant trips to the zoo, gifts, etc. 

Paying enormous daycare bills, clothes, food, medical needs, potty training, discipline, routines, school functions- all of that rest on my shoulders. I don't expect or anticipate that changing any time soon or perhaps ever. And I've simply accepted it. It is the way it is and being angry, bitter, or outraged isn't going to change it. It's just going to poison ME and create negative misery for me. No thank you. 

So I analyze the situation, and accept it. Now I have nothing to be upset over. No reason to mourn Mother's Day- that my former spouse isn't showing me any appreciation for being the mother to his children. That's not the situation I am in and I am OK with that. So instead of sulking over what I don't have, I'm focusing on what I DO have: 

2 beautiful healthy children 

A strong positive/peaceful discipline strategy that I am now able to consistently implement 

I have set an example for my children that abuse is not tolerated, accepted. At least, not any longer. 

I have a job that I love and live in one of the most desirable areas on the planet. 

I have amazing friends and family 

Now that I'm single, I've been able to reconnect with MY mother on a new level. She's been my rock and greatest encouragement. 

NO EXPECTATIONS

I didn't expect anything out of today. I didn't expect anyone to wish me happy Mother's Day. I didn't expect flowers. I didn't even expect my kids to do anything nice. I just planned to spend the day with them, enjoying being their mother. 

Because of my lack of expectations, every affirmation I did receive was truly and deeply appreciated. The crafts from my kids and flowers from friends were all real treats- unexpected, beautiful treats. 

And so I end this Mother's Day grateful. Grateful for my children. They saved my life and gave me the courage to free myself.


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